Confessions -TWW RP

The last few days had gone by slowly. Painstakingly slow. Much like the harsh summer heat, Ildron wished the time away, for he longed to be elsewhere. Where he would never tell the other guards oh no. Ildron was a polite and friendly stallion yes, but where he went was something he preferred to keep to himself. After all he was nothing but a newly branded Nomad, he had no right to love the Feral mare. Love? Oh yes, love indeed. While guarding the herd the thoughts of love clouded Ildron's mind, obscured his concentration and hindered his proper judgment. For hours on end he wondered what would happen if he just let the love take over and finally tell that beautiful cream mare what he thought. But the possibilities of her reaction were to horrible for Ildron to "make his move".

Eirian had managed to become friendlier towards the herd - she wasn't as snippy as she had been before, and she was much calmer and more talkative. That didn't mean she was one to talk non-stop, no, as the only one who seemed to bring out her kinder side was Ildron. Oh, Ildron. Eiri felt like a fool, in love with him. He was amazing, a dark gentleman who knew what she needed to hear at all moments. He was sweet without being overbearing, and she enjoyed his company. Still, she was frightened of the concept of love, for it wasn't something she was used to.
She was curled up in the shade of her tree - their tree, as she liked to think to herself - unable to sleep like she usually could, thoughts of the guard filling her at every moment. She had it bad, but refused to voice her thoughts - after all, she wasn't aware what they even were herself.

Ildron's shift finally came to an end, and despite his desperate need to get away all day, his pace was slow. His mind however was racing, whirring around like the winds of a raging tornado, destroying everything in its path. As a result all other thoughts and movements were gone from Ildron. No hellos to other guards who were still on duty, nor resting herd members. The only thing keeping him calm was the heavy plodding of his hooves on the short tufts of grass bellow him. Ildron had been in love before, the love one has for a mate rather than family or a close friend. He was so sure that his love for Eiri was this love, but how could he be sure? The Nomad mare he had met all those years ago had been named the love of his life, he had said so himself, and to her! Ildron stopped, staring at nothing. Many herd members whispered amongst themselves, all of them with the same question. "Is he okay?" In truth Ildron wasn't. He was afraid, confused, in denial, and to top it off, alone. Ildron had Eiri, of course he did. But he could hardly talk to her about these things. Ildron let out a heavy sigh as he hung his head and started to move on, away from concerned eyes and friendly neighs.

Eirian sighed, growing bored of playing cat-and-mouse trying to gain some sort of sleep. She was on edge, her brain whirring, gears turning. She sighed and rested her head against the tree, a heavy sigh escaping her. Her father had told her never to open her heart, to close herself off from the rest of the world because no matter what, no one cared.
And yet, she had opened up to Ildron. She had let him in, and he had shown her that life wasn't as evil as she was taught. She had allowed him to see the real her, and she was scared and exhilarated by the idea.
She wasn't aware of the tears that ran down her face.

No. Ildron was not afraid. He was terrified.
Nightmares crackled like the lightning of a fully-grown storm of a winters eve for nights on end, stirring Ildron from sleep and driving him to the boarders of the herd to seek solitude. Once the mare dying in front of him had been a stunning red. No more. In her place lie Eiri, a shining cream where her skin was not bruised or torn. Crimson blood soaked the grass around her, the tree, their tree, was grey, twisted and dead. As was she, soon to be. Ildron had failed to save his previous love, and he cannot do so again. Some part of him screamed that displaying his love to Eiri and the herd would bring about her death, and out of pure fear, Ildron believed this. Ildron came to the Feral herd to protect them as much as he could. He promised to himself and the memory of his red lover that he would not endanger himself nor another mare ever again. But isn't that what he is doing? Ildron's heart ached for Eiri despite his clouded mind which wept lakes of salty tears for the red mare... But surely, if Eiri alone had won over his heart then Ildron could move on. It was only his fear of failure and Eiri's rejection of his love that held him back. After all, what would become of him if she turned away from him like she once did the herd before?

Eiri sighed shakily, shaking her head as she realized what a fool she was being. She loved Ildron, she knew this for certain, but she knew she had no chance. She had a sickening feeling, thinking of others he had spoken to - and even other mares who would be better for him than her. She had one of the worst memories, especially trying to remember her childhood - but she could remember her mother's cruel words. That no one would love her, that she was a pitiful creature. No matter how much she struggled to ignore the hurtful words, they were there, and she knew she wasn't beautiful enough to be by anyone's side. She was worthless, replaceable - and she didn't like feeling so weak and vulnerable. She glanced up at the tree, sniffing despite herself. "If only you were actually real... Y-you would be able to help," she said quietly to herself, before bowing her head, ears flattened, before laying down and falling into a troubled sleep.

When Eiri finally awoke, it was getting closer to night. She stood slowly, her head aching much like it normally did when her brain was struggling with something. She bowed her head forward as she headed back to the herd, wondering if she should seek out Ildron. No, he would be too busy. She would leave him alone for tonight. She sighed, lifting her head and carrying herself proudly, politely greeting the herd when they greeted her as well. She was emotionally exhausted, and just wanted to fall asleep forever.

Ildron watched Eiria slump her way back to the heard, his heart longing and crying for his legs to chase after her. Instead, Ildron merely watched her leave, returning to the herd for the evening. When the creamy mare was out of sight, Ildron let out a soft sigh, and lingered there in the early moonlight. A short time passed and Ildron turned to the starry sky, blinking his glittering eyes that reflected each star in his gaze. Once again Ildron had been hindered by time. Gritting his teeth and pinning his ears, Ildron wipped around, kicking up dirt as he did and galloped back to the herd. Mane of the herd mares and stallions were startled by his sudden and urgent arrival, naturally afraid for a guard was in a hurry. Were they under attack? No. And Ildron quickly told them so as he quickly searched the herd members blurry faces, none were cream, none were Eiri. A panicked frenzy fell over Ildron as he pushed his way through the herd, apologising as he tore himself away. He had to find Eiri. Time would not take away what was his.

Eiri was quietly speaking with a few other members of the herd. She was doing her best to get along with the others, and it was slightly aggravating as she didn't get along well with most others. She heard something behind her, and her ears flicked before she turned and noticed Il. She grew a bit fearful, as he looked panicked. Had something happened? "Ildron?" she called as she turned to face him. "What's going on? Is everything all right?" She actually looked concerned and worried.

All the air in Ildron's lungs rushed out of him at the sight of Eiri, sweet Eiri, safe and well. But Ildron noted the look of fear across her features and mentally bucked himself as he slowly walked up to her. "My dear Eiri." He said softly, craning his neck around hers. He was being a bit forward yes, but he couldn't give a damn. In no way could he live on like this, away from her for so long, not knowing if she was safe on in danger. "Everything is fine. Ignore me, for I am merely a paranoid and broken stallion." He rested his head on her back and breathed in her scent and closed his eyes shut. Ildron would have done anything to stay there with her forever, to tell her everything and anything that came to mind. What he had endured, how he felt about her, his fear for her safety, and what he wanted to endure...with her. Not some other mare, Nomad, Feral and or a Cave mare. No. Ildron wanted his cream rebel under that Oak away from everyone else. She was all he wanted in this rotten and unforgiving world. If the leader were to come to him now, or some higher form of power and he could have anything, it would be Eiri, no doubt about it. Nothing compared to her. Not her beauty, nor her character. She was the perfect mare, and Ildron loved her with all of his broken and torn heart.

Eiri looked worried, craning her head to look back at Ildron as his head lay across her back. "I-Il? What's wrong? You're scaring me..." She was scared he wasn't well, and it didn't make her feel comfortable thinking something was wrong. "Did something happen?" she asked softly, her deep blue eyes watching him, as if searching for the answers to the question, but being unable to find them.

"Everything is fine." Ildron hummed, rubbing his head around her neck. "But Eiri, promise me something." He opened his eyes, droplets of salty tears threatening to run down his cheeks, down onto the back of the cream mare. "Please stay close to the herd. If something was to happen to you." His neck-hug grip tightened as the tears rolled down his cheeks "I couldn't live with myself. I can't lose you, can't bear to see you get hurt." Ildron was making a bit of a scene yes, but most of the herd horses had granted the couple a bit of privacy thank the heavens. Still, Ildron didn't care if they hadn't. No matter what Ildron was going to stick by Eiri's side and protect her. Even if it cost him his own life or the respect he had worked so hard to earn from the leader and members of the Feral herd. Why? Because Eiri was worth every tear that now stained her coat.

Eiri looked nervous, watching him. "I-Ildron?" she asked quietly, slightly fearful. What had happened? Why was he acting like this? Like she would... die? Did he know something she didn't? "I-I promise, but please... tell me what's going on!"

"Oh Eiri." Ildron sighed with a soft smile. "There is no need to fear." He pulled away from her and pressed his head against hers briefly before he took a step back. Hanging his head slightly, Ildron opened himself to her, for the first time in forever, Ildron was letting someone cross over his walls. It would also be the last. "I have lost horses before Eiri. Horses that I, cared for, some in more ways than one." He took a shaky breath before he continued. "The reason why I am, as I am, is because I remember losing them so vividly and..." Ildron's shoulders slumped as he looked away. "I cannot lose you Eiri like I did them. If you were to die or to walk away..." He looked up at her, his pale blue eyes searching her for, something. "I would not continue on this tainted and cursed path that is to be my destiny."

She looked startled and confused for a brief second before he spoke. Slowly, slowly she began to understand. Not why he was telling her these things, but why he had seemed so worked up. "Ildron..." she said softly, moving her head underneath his and nuzzling his chest. She had no other words. She didn't know how to comfort him, as she knew he had to let this out before it ate him up on the inside. "I... I too have lost others, but I have not loved them as I have you." Within a split second she realized what she said and her head snapped back, ears flattening as her face flushed. "W-What I meant to say w-was... was..." She had nothing to fix what had been said. She had screwed up. Her father had taught her to never love, for it always just ended up bad, and here she was, accidentally admitting to someone she had grown close to that she was in love with him. She fought to contain her tears that wanted to flow - she would not show weakness now. She merely turned her face away, her cheeks a rosy red hue, embarrassed and scared of his response.

Ildron opened his mouth to respond when her last few words hit him like a ton of bricks. An awkward silence fell over them for a split second before Ildron's lips curled into a gentle smile. "Oh Eiri." He took a step forward, but did not touch her, of fear or pushing her away. "My sweet, innocent little Eiri." Finally he bridged the gap between them and nuzzled her chest like she had done him. A comforting measure of sorts, a way of letting her know he was there for her. It was in this brief moment between them that Ildron knew that their relationship would be different forever, and if she chose to let her feelings take flight, things would be slow between them. This was Eiri's first time admitting love and being with another. But this discouraged Ildron none. He would spend the rest of his days simply telling her how beautiful she was if that was all she granted him, because in truth, that alone would be enough for him. Just to have her standing at this distance would be enough. He would give her anything; do anything for her, no matter how great the request, as long as it was not to leave her side. For it would destroy him beyond repair. "My dear Eiri, do not shy from love. It is a great and beautiful thing, much like yourself. Embrace it like an old friend." He nuzzled her chest and then her neck, before he rested his head beside hers, his cheek pressed against hers. "I understand your shying away, but don't let fear run your life my dear. You can trust me, I won't leave you, nor ruin you." He was giving her the 'reins' so to speak. Eiri was to control the relationship, it was only fair. Ildron had no preferences to pace nor what they did and where and in front of who. Eiri however. Yes, Ildron decided, it would be best to let her control something as significant as this, especially with her being so afraid of the concept of expressing her feelings for him.

The cream mare sniffled just the slightest. She was scared, scared of letting another in. She had always been alone, and she was afraid of what might happen if she let this happen. But she couldn't deny the feelings she had for the handsome stallion. She wanted to be with him every second, and every time he was gone she was afraid. Afraid he would abandon her, just like everyone else had. Tears fell down her cheeks as she moved closer to him, letting her face rest against his chest as she cried. She wasn't as emotionless as she had let everyone think she was - no, they were just hidden, and now that the floodgates were open there was no going back. All she could do was cry, cry from happiness, sadness, and overwhelming love.

A shaky sigh escaped Ildron as he snaked his neck around hers and drew her close, his racing heart relaxing at her touch and her warmth. Never again would time steal the ones Ildron loved most from him. Eiri was afraid of where he and she would go, and what the truth was behind love, but regardless of this Ildron knew they could make things work. In all honesty they had to, for Ildron loved her with all of his broken heart, which only she could mend. After everything that Ildron had endured, after years of telling himself that Tari was the one that owned his heart, Eiri had proven him wrong. Seeing her brightened his day, lifted his mood and if one was too look closely, you would see her reflected in his gleaming eyes. But fear and danger would nip at their legs as they galloped together, constantly reminding Ildron of his failure and what should happen to Eiri if he was to fail again. If Ildron had to go against everything he had sworn to in order to join the Feral herd then so be it. Ildron would do anything for Eiri’s safety, for she was his responsibility now and always.